Tears of life falling from the sky. My soul cries with you. Your drumming on my rooftop, unsettled, reflecting my inner temperament. Oh rainy day, was it you that drew me in to your sorrow or MySelf reflected in your outpouring? It matters not. The tears are waiting in the depths of the lakes of old pain. Maybe this time I’ll be courageous enough to float in the fullness of emotions and feel the reality of me. And as I do, I realize that with each drop that you pour, you cleanse the leaves of my vines and fill the empty wells for me and my nature friends; watering our dispassion until we are nourished and pure again.

As a ground my energy, I feel my interconnectedness with all of nature. My roots extending and wrapping the planet. Hugging and digging deep into the safety of mother Earth, I relax….. This quiet convalescing period, took my mind and replaced it with a trusting Knowing. A falling into being and not a connecting to nature but rather a reacquaintance with what has always been. Like all of the trees and nature coexisting in perfect harmony, I remember too that I am part of this perfect plan. That by letting go, smelling the air, hearing the sounds, seeing the wonder, I can taste the sweetness of life in it’s luscious August blackberries. I can receive the gift of each precious moment as it unfolds like a sunset in it’s sometimes seemingly imperfect yet always perfect now. Not resisting or trying to change, but trusting in its perfect flow.

So as I let go of my mind, my shoulders relax with the earth’s force of gravity. And like the weeping willow tree, my arms sway and cry their remaining tears to water and nourish the dry broken lands of the mother.

A slow drowning of my mantra until the wind and waves wash fully through me. A body with no edges. Rhythmic music of sound layers permeating me from everywhere. I am pleasantly swallowed up into the safety of my shell. The pearl of my being, resting and peaceful.

As I began to navigate this new post Covid time within my daily life, I realized that I had re-created the patterns from my previous life and existence. This would make sense as my patterns are my patterns. Being a doer, it was like I was trying to find someway to accomplish even without the ability to accomplish. Did I get my meditations in, did I do qigong, did I rest, did I do laying down breathing practices? Did I lay on the healing mat? Did I lie in the sun? Did I lay on the grass? Did I eat properly? Did I do my healing bath? Did I take my vitamins? A sick life can certainly be a busy life. But within this seemingly open day I now had crowded it with a whole new set of accomplishments. The sick person‘s version of accomplishments. All new ways of searching for fulfillment. Fulfillment that can never be unless there is pure presence within each of these tasks. Eventually a certain lack of satisfaction hit me. A knowing that I had just re-created an old version of doing. It’s like trying to stop time by grasping at the air. Nothing to hang onto. No ability to control. Again a lesson in letting go. Only pure presence can fill that hole that I’m trying to fill. The doing mind is insatiable. So I let go again and again and again and allow the day and unfolding to surprise me with its spontaneous gifts. Knowing that each day is perfect how little or more I do. Did I find joy? Was I present? These are the greatest accomplishments I could hope for in a day.

The strong winds of life blew me off the cliff… I fall backwards. Thank goodness I’m caught by the gentle waters of my mother. The river dragging me to my next destination. I’ve already let go of so much by this point that there’ll be no fear upon my arrival. This continual lesson in surrendering and softening has almost become pleasurable in the feeling of freedom of watery flow. The fact and realization is, that I was never in control. How arrogant to think that I was. So I lick my finger and put it to the air. I feel which way the winds of life are blowing now and continue in that direction.…

The scroll that resides between my mind’s temples is tightly wound. Guarding the secrets of this life and others. With quiet meditation it loosens, revealing it’s ancient wisdoms, unraveling and pouring its knowledge into all the cells of my being. This process is not one of studying or reading, but of a receiving of this precious intelligence. Through this Surrendering there is a realization that the scroll is blank. The universe laughs, ‘How can Being be expressed in words’. Yes I Am here and I Am there and also I Am everywhere.

So my unwound scroll, I now wear like a cape. And as it blows in the wind it is torn from my mind, taking it’s knowledge of everything and nothing with it.

As I relax my holding outer layer, a small rumble emerges deep down in the depths. A fire igniting. A train beginning it’s travel up my spine. A constant balance between taking control and enjoying the ride. The journey of letting go so much fuller than the linear destination of restraint. The tight passages of my neck and shoulders melting with this release. The treacherous mountain top of my Mind crumbling to the sea. My mantra whispers in the wind. My daily arrival at nothing and everything…..

It seems there’s always a nugget of something that keeps us tethered to the seriousness of life. In my shattered state I crawl around trying to pick up the pieces and put myself back together again. But like broken glass, the pieces no longer fit. So I lay down my mind and give it all up, trusting a new intelligence will sew me back together again. Perhaps in a new way. The one true Mind now taking full control. My body sighing with a relieving exhale, trusting the next inhale will come when it comes….

In this surrendered place I lay back in the arms of Mother Earth and watch the clouds passing by. Obscuring the sun with their perfect metaphor for life. Yet the one true constant we know is that the sun will shine again and so we let go and watch those clouds pass by; just like our thoughts and sufferings, but this time we marvel at their beauty and trust in the grandness and perfection of life.

As I close my eyes to the pain of my body, I’m transported through a portal to new layers of my healing. Embracing the dizziness, like an eddy of stars in space, I let go, let go, let go…. I allow myself to be drawn in to the core of its being. No idea of where or if I will land, allowing sickness and sensation to encompass me fully. Resistance as painful an experience as the illness itself.