As I ease my way back into the land of the living one of the insights that arose early on after my battle with Covid was the desire to find more joy in my life. It’s true that when you come close to the edge of death, life and it’s sacredness becomes more evident. I’m still in process, but there certainly feels like there is already a before the Covid and after the Covid as a turning point in my life. The reflection of my lack of joy in life, in its simplicity became a new goal that I wished to address. And as I started to try to implement that new learning I realized I just wasn’t in that place. I was sick. I felt sick and I was grieving the loss of my body and health. I needed to embrace that painful experience fully to learn the beautiful lesson of letting go and true presence.
So now that I’ve shifted out of that experience somewhat, still weekly relapses to remind me though. I’m able to actually feel that joy arise from within me, naturally. Not a forced experience or a set goal that I can accomplish. Not something that can be fulfilled by my mind and and the old list of the ‘shoulds.’
Having had my body broken down to its most basic level I find connecting to the body and movement is always a great place to just feel. And now I find there’s almost the need for me to ask permission to my body, asking my body what she wants, not what my mind wants.
So with the slow introduction of a little bit of daily movement you would think that being a movement instructor, the natural impulse would be to get back into my exercise practices but I find myself moving towards less structured expressions. Putting on old music that I love and just moving and dancing with pleasure. So natural and fulfilling. My cells literally waking up and bursting alive with the emotion of the song. Tingling energies flowing through my body, hairs standing on end. Joy, happiness, sexiness... More tears come, shaking, releasing the ebbs and flows of old pain but glimmers of that youthful joy that rests eternally in my heart, emerging. Releasing the energies that surface, into Mother Earth. Moving from spirit, spirit moving me... Healing my body with the movement, not moving my body in the hopes to heal.
Dancing in my apartment was something I did fairly frequently but I realize my life was so busy that finding the time for the simple joys was not easy. Now looking forward I know I must make more time because life is too short to not be finding those simple joys of the spirit. It’s healing and cleansing. Coming to those joys in honesty and without force. I hope also to bring to my other movement practices this simplicity of just being in the body. Doing these practices out of pleasure and to really feel the body as opposed to ticking off another thing on the daily list. Exercise done. To really heal the body, we need to approach our movement practices with reverence and love and discover the inherent pleasure that’s truly our birthright. When the body is healthy and vibrant we are able to dance freely in the Joy of life.